In Pursuit Of Lost Relationships

By Betty Murambadoro

I had an honour of counselling a colleague recently, who is convinced that he erred in prematurely resigning from employment in pursuit of what he thought was the “real deal”, which alas turned out to be a nightmare. What intrigued me so much are his guts to book an appointment, dress-up and walk into the former employer’s premises to forge a way to mend relations and present himself again for a possible re-hire. He is convinced that rebuilding the relationship with his former employer is worth the hassle. This encounter made me reflect: What does it take to pursue a seemingly lost relationship you willingly walked away from?

A dear family friend emphatically told me that we should never ever give up on our children. She occasionally creates sombre moments in our regular golden-girls-get-togethers by sharing the roller-coaster journeys she travelled with each of her children. Her mantra is premised on knowing that, there are relationships worth fighting for and pursuing at maximum effort. My own exhilarating moments in the marketplace are when I push myself to eat humble-pie and chase after a business relationship I know I just must restore. What a mission! What an experience! It’s moments such as these that I acknowledge that we were created to be relational and not for isolation.

Sometimes we lose relationships out of a mistake made or unintended offence. Sometimes we just fall out of favour not that we have done anything to deserve the fallout. Sometimes a relationship just grows cold and eventually parties check-out without a termination announcement. Or sometimes we make blunders which at the time, back then, were not exactly obvious blunders. Sometimes the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches can sour relations. In business, it may simply be that a competitor came up with a more compelling value proposition. Perhaps complacency or things just slip through the fingers and we cannot pinpoint where exactly things went wrong. It could be familiarity that eventually led to glossing over relationship-denting incidents. Then gradually or suddenly, you find yourself deserted.

I could go on and on citing possible reasons for loss of relationships. Regardless of the root cause of losing the relationship, there may be a drive in you to just want to mend relations, reconnect, pick-up from where we left off and do life together again. But how easy is it to take the initiative? For some, pressing the escape button permanently is the easiest to do. Like I have already said we were never created for isolation. Human nature is designed to be relational. Even in business, to win that heart-share (not wallet-share) should not be premised on transactional relationships. Lasting business relationships should be based on mutual trust, authentic relating and focus on adding value to each other’s strategic priorities.

Reaching out to make amends may not necessarily mean blindly bringing back the relationship to where it was before but may simply mean extending an olive branch of mutual respect, understanding and peace. Or simply just being the mature one to break the impasse. It is therapeutic to make that deliberate effort even if the offer does not yield immediate positive results. In the long run that seed sown will bear fruit and in fact, it is fulfilling to just know that at least I tried to reconnect, even if I got rebuffed.

I have noticed some blind spots hindering us from taking the initiative to fight for the lost relationships:

1. Pride: climbing down is sometimes not comfortable at all. I recall a humbling experience I had reconnecting with a family member I had disconnected from for a season. How fulfilling it was for me to make the mature move. Even though the relationship was not fully restored to former glory, I still celebrate the achievement.

2. Unforgiveness: an obvious truth for most of us. Letting go, easier said than done, yet very much worth it in resetting a relationship.

3. Fear of the unknown: we get so absorbed with imagining multiple scenarios, some so horrendous, of what could possibly happen if we reach out to that old lost business partner.

4. Possibility of repeated harm: yes, the default conclusion is usually that the harmful reason for exiting the relationship will be repeated, so why take the risk.

So what then are the tips towards regaining lost relationships, regardless of what role you played in damaging the old relationship:

1. As I type this article, I am hearing my amazing Human Resources practitioner, Audrey Mlambo, echo “be authentic, bring the best version of yourself”. Just reach out with a genuine heart to rebuild.

2. Acknowledge that there could be a role you played in deterioration of the relationship. No need to peel old wounds though, but it is a show of high emotional intelligence just acknowledging your part of the injury without apportioning blame to the other.

3. “Power of Vulnerability” by Brene Brown emphasizes how we should just bite the bullet and reconnect. What is the worst that could happen to you?

4. People do business with people they like, so fix that relationship. Am reminded of the words from Romans 12v18 “if possible, so far it depends on you, live peaceably with all”.

5. Possibility thinking –
   why ponder negative conclusions all year round that you are going to be rebuffed. Who said? Embrace possibility thinking, take that leap of faith and who knows the good which may come out of this?

Happy selling, marketing and regaining lost relationships in 2025 and beyond.


About Author
Betty has served in the financial services sector for 27 years, in multiple roles largely focused on corporate clients. She has direct work experience in Eswatini and Zimbabwe. In her current role serving as Executive Director-Corporate & Investment Banking at Stanbic Bank Zimbabwe, Betty oversees Client Coverage, Investment Banking, Transaction Banking and Treasury functions. She holds a Master of Commerce in Development Finance (MCOM), Master of Business Leadership (MBL), Bachelor of Commerce Finance Honours and Diploma in Credit Management.